Hello, my name is gotashift and I am looking for a GF. The WoW forums are starting to get a lot of personal ads, and I will admit at first I thought "This is lame, who would want to fish in a mud puddle for some ass?" but apparently I am hearing people are getting pretty lucky out there, so I said screw it, I will give it a shot. I am a very nice guy and can be very loving and caring. I am loyal and tend to every need of a woman, IMO woman are like temples and should be worshiped.
I am 23 years old and live in NH. I am 6'1 200lbs brown hair brown eyes. I enjoy football, going to the beach, bar hopping, grilling meats, video games (can you guess which one I like most? =P), and various other activities that you can find out about later =P.
Now your probably wondering what exactly I look for in a woman. Passion, personality, eyes...all mean !@#! to me. I go straight for the boobs. If you aren't top end B-cup or higher then GTFO. Also if your nipples look like someone glued a piece of bologna to your boobs then GTFO. You must have a good nipple to boob ratio.
Next on the list is the bum, you must have a nice, well rounded turd cutter. If you have an ass that is even with your back...well then you can prolly just GTFO. Also if you are 22, but your ass looks like its 8...please GTFO. I don't mind a bit of thickness if its in the right places and you carry it well. If it looks like you ran backwards through an asteroid belt...prolly GTFO. Oh and waxing your anus helps also.
The face, I like a pretty face, but I am willing to bend the rules a little on the face...because it will be stuffed in a pillow anyways. As long as your boobs and bum meet the criteria, and your clam doesn't look like someone punched it for 6 straight years like Britney Spears' and you either have it shaved or at most the thin landing strip (none of this matted down thick bush crap)...then I think we can get along great. I am a very loving guy and not shallow at all.
Ok we went over looks, now lets tackle what I expect from you in the relationship.
Must be a good cook, and by good cook I mean grill steaks. You so much as burn my steak in the slightest bit and you will have 4 knuckle dents on your temple. I like my steaks medium rare with thick and hearty A1 sauce. Side dishes I am not to picky about mashed potatoes, corn, green beans, mac and cheese, cornbread etc, the sides I will let ya do on your own. But no coleslaw or anything low carb or you will wish Druids existed in RL so you can get a brez.
You must have a GREAT job and make GREAT money. I think the "guys work and woman stay home" gig is racist and offends all of man kind, I wish to flip that around. I am needed for raids...plain and simple. I don't have time to supply steady income, so make sure you do.
Now for raids. I raid quite often, and sometimes there is a bit of downtime or we are fighting trash that I can AFK from without the guild knowing. These are perfect times for some knob slob sessions, and you better be 375 skill at it...but don't mind helping ya level it either. I demand sex EVERY morning and anal EVERY night, if you can't maintain at least 100% attendance to these activities then I simply have no use of you.
You must NEVER question anything I do during sex. If I want to stick a lava lamp in your ass while a Giraffe licks your grundle and I mushroom stamp your forehead while watching Wheel of Fortune, you better scream my name while it happens. I don't like to hear "Ugh...I usually don't do this", and if you EVER say those words or anything like it, then I will punchisize your face...for FREE. Also every sunday will be Steak and a BJ day, where I will eat steak while you give me a BJ.
You pay the rent and the bills. No questions asked. If you ever start to fall behind on payments then you might need to get a third job.
You must also maintain at least 3 hot single friends at all times in case I ever get bored of you for a bit. If they start getting BF's or whatever, make new single friends, I will be monitoring this very heavily, so don't think you can slip any passed me. Prefer them to meet or exceed the criteria for looks I mentioned earlier.
I also would like to meet your mother ASAP so I will get a rough idea on how well you will age. If your mother has a fat lumpy ass and she tucks her tits into her belt, it will SEVERELY hinder your chances at scoring with me, and by me I mean Master (which is what you will call me BTW).
What else is there...hmmm....Oh! you need to build me a tree house. I have always wanted one as a kid but we didn't have any good trees to build a safe tree house in, so I never had one. I want one with one of those rope ladders that I only lower if people know the password (which will be boobs! lololol) Also it needs to have internet in case I ever feel like raiding in the tree house some nights. Also it needs to be able to hold the weight of a Giraffe.
